Klingons really have a thing for boob windows. It got my inner anthropologist thinking about the significance of boob windows in Klingon culture. I began to realize that given the nature of Klingon culture tthere's probably a legendary heroic figure in Klingon lore who was probably the first to have a boob window and that Klingon females wear boob windows as an homage to this figure. This figure probably even embodied the the very ideals Klingon's admire, fiercely passionate, strong warrior, self sacrificing, noble and honourable.
Then it got me thinking about what her story would be. It got me thinking about epic poems that were written about her, the Klingon Operas that sang her story, the vast weight of Klingon art a glorious tale of the first boob window. What could this story be?
Then I thought, it would be a tale of a Klingon Warrior Princess from the age of heroes. Suitors from all houses would come to try and win her hand. She didn't want just any man as her husband. She wanted only the most Klingon of men. So she would meet each suitor dressed in full armour batleth in hand. There was a small window in her breastplate over her heart. She would challenge the suitor to a duel saying "Only the man who can pierce my heart will win it".
Her suitors were vane men from bold houses and they assumed it was a test of their skills. She would test them in battle and if she found them skillful fighters she would purposefully bare her heart. Simply scratching her breasts I will be able to demonstrate I could have killed her had I chose.
So suitor after suitor either disgraces himself as a coward by begging for his life or honours himself by dying on her sword and her breasts remain unscathed. Then one day a suitor from a small, humble house arrives. His armour is not as elegant as the others were, but it's strong and will serve him well. They fight. From the first few parries she knows he is a warrior of great skill. She knows he will not end like the ones who begged for their lives. She knows it will be a long fight. And it was. Hours turned to days and still they fought. Days to weeks and they fought and most surprisingly fell in love. Without words they spoke through their swords and they realized they were one soul in two bodies.
When their love was obvious to them the Klingon Warrior Princess threw her batleth down, dropped to her knees and flung her arms wide leaving her chest vulnerable. Her head thrown back she yelled "Only he who can pierce my heart will win it!" He will draw his batleth back as if to strike her then stops. He knows what she means. He knows she is the most Klingon of women. He knows she wants only the most Klingon of men as her mate. But he knows he must honour her by fulfilling her oath because she is the most Klingon of women she can have it no way. The only way to win her heart was by proving you were the most Klingon of men. You had to be willing to sacrifice your love to honour hers. And with the manliest of manly tears streaming down his face he brings his batleth down piercing her heart. The last thing the Klingon Warrior Princess sees as she dies are the tear filled eyes of the most Klingon of men looking at her with all the love of a thousand galaxies burning through the universe. Her last thoughts are "you win my heart".
The most Klingon of men throws his head back and screams his agony to the heavens. A scream so loud it rips his soul from his body and he rises to Stovokor with his love beside him, the most Klingon of men and women.
Yeah that would be the kind of story that would make boob windows a big thing in Klingon culture. There would be so many plays and operas about that story. There is probably a constellation in the Klingon sky that depicts the two lovers together in Stovokor. Klingon children probably point at one of the stars in the constellation and say "that star is her nipple".
And maybe that star is Sol.
Man, this edible is making it really hard to type. It took me two cartoons to type this. Why the hell weren't these always legal? I guess at one time people just hated feeling good. Like really good. Fuck yeah I love being a Canadian, eh?