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I'm an internet has-been. I play accordion and draw lots and lots of dick-girls.

Age 55


Hamilton, Ontario

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I had a movie pitch today.

Posted by GhastlyH - February 26th, 2021

So I phoned Hollywood today with a movie idea.

This scientist in the future invents time travel and uses it to prevent Joseph Dombey getting kidnapped by pirates so the Americans will adopt the metric system, which he does basically on a drunken dare. But the movie isn't about him.

The USA adopting the metric system so early in its history has a butterfly effect of scientific literacy and invention that the USA in the early 1900s of this altered timeline is not too different from the world of the 21st century in our timeline. The movie is about all the literary giants of the early 20th century living in a world where the events of their times still unfold along the same lines but with technology and social media similar to ours. And they're all just bloggers trying to get someone to read their stuff. And they each have a podcast too.

So I'm on the phone just excited as can be pitching my movie idea and you're never going to guess what happened next. It turns out you can't just call up random people in Hollywood when it's three in the morning and babble a movie pitch at them. Also I have been informed that I am a puta.

Oh and the drunken dare was when he was celebrating with his lab partners one of them bet him that he couldn't save the Mars Climate Orbiter from crashing because of a whole number of reasons that would transpire to prevent a temporal paradox, and the time traveller insists you can alter the past, paradoxes be damned, the key is to go back far enough that you make a very small change to history that will send ripples through time that will result in your edits to history being preserved.

And his friend is "You're off your knob, Bud. You're talking out your arse. It doesn't matter how far back you go you're always going to be prevented from changing history otherwise you have a temporal paradox"

And then the time traveller guy is all "You don't know, bitch! You've never time travelled. Paradox schmaradox! I'll do it. It's easy man. I just need a boat."

And the other guy is like "Ppppht! You're going to end up locked up in a loony bin shot full of sedatives because you were arrested trespassing on NASA babbling about being from the future with a warning about the Mars Climate Orbiter."

And the time traveller guy will be all smug and go "No... no... I can do it. All I need is... a boat."

And then it cuts right to Ernest Hemingway posting on 4chan asking if anyone else's dick chubs up a bit when they punch a guy.


Comments (2)

It would answer the question "What would F. Scott Fitzgerald's Tumblr look like?"

You know Edison totally ripped the popular OS off from Tesla, and Marconi did the same with Tesla's web browser.