In the latter days of the second world war Japan launched approximately 10,000 balloons into the jet stream to weaponize waifus. They estimated only 10 percent of the balloons would make it to North America but had hoped it would be enough to make Americans want to "protecc Japan and not lewd it". The US military censored all news of balloon waifus landings so that the Japanese military would have no idea if the attacks were successful. With no word on the success of their balloon waifus Japan cancelled the project in April of 1945. In May of 1945 Harry S. Truman gave the order to burst the fuck out of Japan but removed Kyoto from the list of targets stating "Kyoto is best waifu". In July Lt. General Leslie Groves attempted to convince Truman that in his words "Kyoto is shit-waifu" but Truman holding a daki with a map of Kyoto on it was adamant that Kyoto-chan was not for lewds.

Pictured here is a Japanese Balloon Waifu that was recovered near Lumby, British Columbia. It is now on display in the Canadian War Museum in Ottawa, Ontario.

So while researching Dirk the Demon I was contemplating renaming him Dirk the Daemon, thinking that "daemon" was just an aesthetic old timey spelling of "demon". I discovered that demon and daemon while they have the same root are not actually the same thing. Daemon are from Greek mythology and are just "lesser spirits", beings who are more powerful than humans but not as powerful as gods. Unlike demons which are evil spirits daemons can be good, neutral, or evil. In fact they often were synonymous with "guardian angel". So a demon would be a daemon but not all daemon are demons.

So this little shit is definitely going to stay Dirk the Demon because if I reboot it I'm definitely going to be ramping up his asshole qualities.

Also there were indeed only two comics featuring Dirk the Demon even though the last one ends with the promise of more to come. I guess the comic about a gang of 24th century "archaeologists" running around stabbing space hobos for their gold just wasn't popular (I don't know why not). So it looks like it may be up to me to fulfill Bill Everett's promise of more treasure hunting, hobo stabbing, princess saving adventures.

Since there were only ever two Dirk the Demon comics published that made it very easy to become an expert on all things Dirk the Demon related. There's pretty much no back story other than him being the son of a space baron. This definitely makes him a good reboot candidate because I'm free to pretty much make up whatever I want for him.

In his second comic he has a short cape worn over a nehru collared blouse and shorts. It would be easier to draw but the off the shoulder blouse from the first comic feels more sassy to me so I'll probably use that costume if I do make the reboot. I'll probably use the other costume for Teddy since that's what he wears in the first comic. And even though the colour of Dirk's hair changes within the comic I think I'll go with the darker haired version for Dirk and save the blond hair for Teddy.

If I was to do a cape comic I think I'd do one where it's a pair of lovers who are into exhibitionism and humiliation play so one is a superhero and the other is a super villain. The super villain shows up in front of a bank or jewelry store announcing their intent to rob it and the hero shows up and stops them. They get into an increasingly sexual fight which ends with the super villain nearly naked and tied to a lamp post. The hero poses for a few pictures then takes off saying the police will take care of it now. The villain waits for the hero to leave and remains tied up until they hear the sirens approaching and then makes their daring escape.

This goes on for months with this couple using their alter identities to get their sexual kicks and no actual robberies being committed but the hero and the villain start to gain a reputation for themselves. The hero gets a reputation for always stopping the crimes of the villain and the villain gets the reputation for always escaping the law. This attracts the attention of a league of superheros and a society of evil doers and they try to recruit their person of interest to join their club. In the end the villain is reluctantly a member of the evil society and the hero is a member of the superhero league and neither one of them want to be there because all they want to do is run around in public in skimpy tight fitting outfits, (play) fighting with each other and getting tied up in front of an audience of onlookers. Neither one has any idea how to be an actual superhero nor a super villain. They just want to get their kicks but now they're stuck with jobs they don't want.

The villain character always tips off the hero character as to what the plans of the evil society are and the hero always arranges the confrontation so they're paired off against their lover.

"We're going to be robbing the museum of art at 11:30pm. I'll be wearing no underwear. The safeword is pierogi."

"Alright gang, we're going in to bust this heist up.... but leave the Blue Octopus to me! It's PERSONAL!"

Oh and the Batman type character in this superhero league is constantly trying to tell everyone "I don't think they're actually hero/villain. I think they're just a couple of perverts getting their kink on" but nobody believes him.

I've been going through the comics at http://comicbookplus.com which is a repository of comic books that have fallen into the public domain. Now some of the characters (eg. Blue Beetle and Captain Marvel) even though their original publications might be in the public domain are still owned trademarks as their original publisher was bought by another publisher which still uses them. Others are just complete orphans as their publisher went out of business and nobody bought their catalogue.

Reading through these old comic books can be a real chore, not just because the pages have deteriorated or because the printing was simply crap quality to begin with but because they're very, very bad. These are comics from a time when comics were strictly for kids and the effort put into storytelling was very minimal. Lots of non-sequitur detective logic, lack lustre dialogue, and very minimalist artwork.

I thought it would be kind of fun to read through some of the books and see if I can't find some poor orphaned character that could use a fresh retelling. Someone who just didn't have what it takes to become a Batman or a Captain America but has a spark of something interesting to them that deserves a revisit. There are a lot of weird superheros of old to consider. There's Fantom of the Fair, a superhero whose bailiwick is the 1939 World's Fair. There's Speed Centaur, a centaur who lives in a cave who has 8 times the strength of a human, super speed, and cold resistance (as he originally lived in the arctic until an earthquake made him the last of his kind). That's a pretty quirky character for sure. And there's a whole slew of space/air pilots with high tech flying machines who eventually faded into obscurity. While some of them were a nice mix of quirkiness and interesting possibility the one I'd choose as my own personal reboot candidate would be this glorious bastard right here.

Dirk The Demon.

Who is Dirk the Demon you ask? He's a 12 year old boy (whose hair will change from black to blond for no real reason) in the 24th century who likes to treasure hunt and save Space Princesses from kidnappers. He has three friends, Laddie, a ginger with a brush cut, Reggad (called Reg for short) who is always shirtless and Teddy, a slightly more feminine looking version of Dirk whose hair stays blond all the time. Dirk's father is Baron Cay, the noble who presumably is an important lord of some space fiefdom. The boys have no super powers but they do all carry long daggers and make no mistake they will stab the shit out of you with no regrets.

Dirk was created by Bill Everett (who also created Namor the Sub-Mariner) when he was working as a freelancer for Funnies Inc (Centaur Publishing) in the 1930s/40s. As near as I can tell there were only two Dirk the Demon stories published (which were then republished in other volumes) and this is part of what for me makes him the perfect candidate for a reboot because it's not like he has a deep lore you have to be respectful of. He's just a kid in the 24th century who likes to adventure with his pals for treasure and stab the shit out of people and he's the son of a powerful Space Baron so people don't get too pissed at him when he does things like steal a spaceship to go treasure hunting.

This is the forgotten comic book character I'd like to bring back. A spoiled rich kid and his friends having freewheeling adventures in space, stabbing hobos for their space gold and getting away with everything because "do you know who my dad is". Yes, much space stabbing and adventure with some consequence free crime.

I think I should reboot this character.

Life is like a hurricane

here in Duckberg.

Mating season is insane

it's a duck-blur.

It's never silent.

Often quite violent.

Duck dicks! Woohoo!

WTF is that a snake? No!

Duck dicks! Woohoo!

Get gang raped by horny drakes. Oh!

Duck dicks! Woohoo!

So I saw this anime where this dorky teenager who is bullied by kids at school finds an obsolete mechanical girl and repairs her even though his best friend, who is as cool as this kid is nerdy, thinks he's crazy to waste his money on a pile of junk. But he repairs the girl good as new. The girl falls in love with him and gives him a cool jacket which boosts his confidence and there's this bit of a jealous love triangle between the nerd, this other girl who likes the nerd and the mechanical girl. The nerd's cool friend finds out that the family that previously owned the mechanical girl all met untimely ends, but he gets hurt during a game at school while the mechanical girl is watching.

The mechanical girl goes full on yandere now and tries to choke the girl who is interested in the nerd but she makes it look like an accident so no one will believe the girl. Then the bullies from the nerds school try to disassemble the mechanical girl but she reassembles herself and exacts revenge on them all in a yandere freak out.

At the end of the anime the mechanical girl accidentally kills the nerd in a fit of yandere rage. Then the girl who likes the nerd and his cool friend use a giant mecha to defeat the yandere mechanical girl whose name was Christine. And that was when I realized that if you're a big enough weeb you can describe any movie as an anime.

Okay, so the Great Disaster happens and humanity is forced to flee underground to survive. There are the same elites and working class people there were in the old era and the same class structure. The elites are incurious and concerned only about their status and luxury. The workers explore their new underground world and toil to keep their society functioning, they make the scientific discoveries that are necessary for life to function underground but the elites demand that only they get to enjoy the luxuries of the old era in their new underground domain. This causes a divergence in the species.

The working class people denied the luxury of a world as close to the above ground era as possible evolve into a species that is adapted to the harsh life of a world underground. But adapt they do and they thrive as they toil. The elites lead pampered, idle lives simply expecting luxury as their entitlement. They don't care about the science that provides them with this luxury and they don't care about the philosophy that permits society underground to function. They just want their lives of ease and comfort without having to think or worry about how it is delivered to them and they don't want the ones who toil to have it because to them the workers just don't deserve it.

Generation upon generation comes to pass and the worker scientists learn that the world above ground has recovered, life once again thrives upon the face of the earth, but it is a world that will be forever shut off to them because they have evolved into a species that cannot live above ground, but the elite have not evolved at all. They are the same as humans before the Great Disaster because they never faced the same ecological pressures the workers did but mentally these humans have regressed because intellectual challenge was seen as a burden of the working class, not something the elite class should have to endure.

The worker class scientists realize they can be rid of the elite class that has ruled over them simply by returning them to the surface. They can now toil for their own benefit and live free from the oppression of an idle and incurious elite. But they also realize that if these elite propagate upon the surface of the earth then they will destroy the beautiful bio-diversity that nature over many thousands of years has returned to the earth. The elite will need to be monitored and culled from time to time when their numbers become too many. This is necessary to prevent humanity's sins of the past from once again destroying the earth. This is necessary to prevent the elite from returning underground to rule over the working class. So they devise a signal that will return some of this elite class back underground so they can be culled, but not enough that they can assert dominance over the worker class. And, so as not to be wasteful the culled elite's protein will be harvested to supplement the diets of the working class.

Order is maintained. Life thrives upon the surface world. The workers thrive beneath the surface free from the shackles of their oppressive overlords and the elite frolic in incurious bliss and luxury upon the surface, managed so they can never again harm the planet. Earth is a paradise for everyone.

Then some fucking Victorian twat in a home made time machine shows up and ruins it all.

Last night I had a dream that John and I took a vacation in England and we were in London at a shop in a mall and in this shop in the mall they had a clothing donation bin for a local charity thrift store and the only item in the bin was an Edwardian gentleman's riding suit. It was kind of well worn, probably belonged to someone's grandfather but in pretty okay shape. It was just my size and I remembered that I was in a play my friend Brian Morton was directing and the one item of costume we weren't able to find was an Edwardian gentleman's riding suit. From on stage the wear and tear wouldn't really be noticeable to the audience and our costume person would be and to easily fix the most visible damage. I was pretty excited that I'd found the outfit so I asked the clerk in the store if I could just give them an appropriate cash donation and take the suit because I was only going to be in London for a week and I really needed this suit for a costume in a play I was in.

The clerk looked at me and shook her head and said "No, I'm sorry, that wouldn't be proper." So I asked her if she could tell me what charity thrift store the suit was being collected for so I could maybe go there and make an arrangement to buy the outfit. Once again she gave me a pained look and shook her head and said "No, no, that wouldn't be proper at all. I'm so sorry."

So I got an idea and took a piece of paper and wrote my cell phone number on it and a brief note explaining who I was and why I needed the suit and to please call me and perhaps we can make an arrangement for me to purchase it before I left.

So I'm walking around London with John and showing the city to him since I've been there before and told him about a recurring dream I have about being in London trying to find an ATM so I can pay my tab at a pub and I'm telling him how the London in my dream differs from the real London. While I'm showing John the city I get a phone call from a woman at the thrift store who found my note and she wants to discuss selling the suit to me. I ask her where we can meet and she says she's in Hyde Park and I tell her I'm very close to Hyde Park so I can meet her at Speaker's Corner.

So I get there and I see she's holding the suit and I tell her my story about how I'm a Canadian actor and I'm in a play and the one bit of costume we haven't found is an Edwardian riding suit in my size and it's a wonderful coincident that I have found exactly the bit of clothing I needed while on vacation.

She gives me this doubtful look and says "I don't believe there are actors in Canada. All the actors over there are Americans are they not?"

So I explain to her that there are lots of actors in Canada and I'm friends with many of them and Canada has it's own theatre, film and television industry and we might not be as globally known as our American cousins are but it is indeed a legitimate industry in Canada.

She gives me this look like she's going to accept what I say is true even if she doubts it. Then she says, "Well this whole affair is highly unusual you see. This is just not the way it's done over here. I need to know what play are you in before I know if I can sell you the suit."

And this was where I drew a blank. I couldn't think of the name of the play I was in. But I did remember the basics of the plot so I told her "Well, I can't remember the title as we haven't yet started rehearsals but I know what the play is about. I play a middle aged Englishman who is... um... a banker, or a barrister or a solicitor some sort of businessman. My character has been a bachelor his entire life as he has had a laser like focus on his career, and now he's reaching the point in his life where he knows he doesn't have as many days ahead as he's had behind him and he realizes he's never really lived. He worries he may have wasted his youth and he feels lonely now. He meets this younger woman and he falls in love with her and she ignites a new passion for life in him he didn't think he was capable of anymore. But sadly she's not of his class and he knows their relationship would be seen as scandalous by his peers and he's torn between doing what's "proper" and what will make him happy."

The woman from the thrift store gives me this look and says "You do realize that is the plot of almost every British play that isn't Shakespeare."

I shrug and tell her I don't know what else I can say because I just can't remember the name of the play, but it's very important that I get this costume.

So she tells me that she'll have to take this up with her superiors and she'll call me back if she can sell me the suit but that I shouldn't get my hopes up because this this whole thing seems very improper. I tried to reassure her that there was nothing unseemly about this play at all and she says "Well yes, I suppose you would have to say that, wouldn't you."

So we part ways and I'm hoping she'll call me back to sell me the suit and I send Brian a message on Facebook saying I might have found the riding suit costume we need but I need to know the name of the play. While I'm waiting for Brain to message me back John and I head off to Soho to meet up with some English friends of mine for a night on the town and I woke up before I met up with them.

So I'm sorry to all my dream British friends out there that I missed out on our get together, and dream Brian if you can give me the name of the play I'll try to re-dream it so I can get us the riding suit costume we need for that one scene in the second act.

Klingons really have a thing for boob windows. It got my inner anthropologist thinking about the significance of boob windows in Klingon culture. I began to realize that given the nature of Klingon culture tthere's probably a legendary heroic figure in Klingon lore who was probably the first to have a boob window and that Klingon females wear boob windows as an homage to this figure. This figure probably even embodied the the very ideals Klingon's admire, fiercely passionate, strong warrior, self sacrificing, noble and honourable.

Then it got me thinking about what her story would be. It got me thinking about epic poems that were written about her, the Klingon Operas that sang her story, the vast weight of Klingon art a glorious tale of the first boob window. What could this story be?

Then I thought, it would be a tale of a Klingon Warrior Princess from the age of heroes. Suitors from all houses would come to try and win her hand. She didn't want just any man as her husband. She wanted only the most Klingon of men. So she would meet each suitor dressed in full armour batleth in hand. There was a small window in her breastplate over her heart. She would challenge the suitor to a duel saying "Only the man who can pierce my heart will win it".

Her suitors were vane men from bold houses and they assumed it was a test of their skills. She would test them in battle and if she found them skillful fighters she would purposefully bare her heart. Simply scratching her breasts I will be able to demonstrate I could have killed her had I chose.

So suitor after suitor either disgraces himself as a coward by begging for his life or honours himself by dying on her sword and her breasts remain unscathed. Then one day a suitor from a small, humble house arrives. His armour is not as elegant as the others were, but it's strong and will serve him well. They fight. From the first few parries she knows he is a warrior of great skill. She knows he will not end like the ones who begged for their lives. She knows it will be a long fight. And it was. Hours turned to days and still they fought. Days to weeks and they fought and most surprisingly fell in love. Without words they spoke through their swords and they realized they were one soul in two bodies.

When their love was obvious to them the Klingon Warrior Princess threw her batleth down, dropped to her knees and flung her arms wide leaving her chest vulnerable. Her head thrown back she yelled "Only he who can pierce my heart will win it!" He will draw his batleth back as if to strike her then stops. He knows what she means. He knows she is the most Klingon of women. He knows she wants only the most Klingon of men as her mate. But he knows he must honour her by fulfilling her oath because she is the most Klingon of women she can have it no way. The only way to win her heart was by proving you were the most Klingon of men. You had to be willing to sacrifice your love to honour hers. And with the manliest of manly tears streaming down his face he brings his batleth down piercing her heart. The last thing the Klingon Warrior Princess sees as she dies are the tear filled eyes of the most Klingon of men looking at her with all the love of a thousand galaxies burning through the universe. Her last thoughts are "you win my heart".

The most Klingon of men throws his head back and screams his agony to the heavens. A scream so loud it rips his soul from his body and he rises to Stovokor with his love beside him, the most Klingon of men and women.

Yeah that would be the kind of story that would make boob windows a big thing in Klingon culture. There would be so many plays and operas about that story. There is probably a constellation in the Klingon sky that depicts the two lovers together in Stovokor. Klingon children probably point at one of the stars in the constellation and say "that star is her nipple".

And maybe that star is Sol.

Man, this edible is making it really hard to type. It took me two cartoons to type this. Why the hell weren't these always legal? I guess at one time people just hated feeling good. Like really good. Fuck yeah I love being a Canadian, eh?

So I had a dream the other night that I saw this picture of a fairy relaxing in teacup in a cafe like it was a hot tub and I thought it would be neat to have a bathtub that looked like a giant teacup. Then I saw an Ikea ad on Facebook for bathtubs that look like giant teacups so I got this great idea. In my dream there was a hot spring in John and my backyard so I thought it would be neat to utilize the hot spring to make a day spa in our backyard where we sell these cute pretty fairy looking bathing suits and you can just relax in a giant teacup and pretend you're a fairy.

So I went to the bank to get a loan to build a day spa that looks like the counter top of a giant cafe with all these hot spring fed teacups and even the showers you clean up in before the teacups were built to be really big and I had giant bars of soap made so you'd feel like you were a fairy even before you got to the teacups. The bank approved my loan on condition that I hire one of the bank's employees as my assistant. So I had this weird assistant guy that I never really got a good look at as he was always in the periphery of my vision. All I could really see was that he was extremely thin, kind of hunched over and held his hands like a praying mantis and had a red shirt with a black tie.

So he whispers to me "you know we can make more money if you have fairy waitresses serving tea to the people relaxing in the teacups". That made sense to me so I said let's do it and he said "I already took the initiative of securing the loans from the back to do this". And I noticed that people were drinking beverages out of cups. Then my assistant said "And we have scanners inside the teacup baths that will scan the people inside them and we can 3D print a teacup for them that'll be them sitting inside the teacup". I thought that was a good idea and once again my assistant said he already secured the loans to implement this feature. Then he said "Now some people don't like tea, they like coffee so we should have coffee mugs for them to sit in." Once again it made sense so I told him to do it and he said he'd already secured the loans for it and sure enough there were coffee mug shaped hot tubs in my giant cafe. I thought, wow this guy is really on the ball.

Then he said "but some people like hot chocolate". So I said well we can serve them hot chocolate then and my assistant said "I've done that one better". I noticed there was a giant menu standing up on the counter top and my assistant said to go look behind it and there were giant mug-shaped hot tubs but instead of water from the hot spring they had melted chocolate inside them. I'm like what the hell? And he said "This is for people who want to pretend to be fairies but want to relax in a cup of hot chocolate instead". And then I noticed that these cups had bleachers around them and asked what that was for and my assistant said "It's for people who will pay to get in here and watch people pretend to be fairies playing in giant mugs full of melted chocolate".

So I was all "Dude! I just want to run a cute day spa where people pretend to be fairies in giant tea cups. I don't want to run a fetish place."

This was when my assistant started laughing and yelled "Fool! You thought you could have something wholesome but I've corrupted it!" And then he burst into a shower of tiny mechanical ants who all skittered away cackling and I realized my assistant was actually the Internet and I was now millions of dollars in debt and running a very particular fetish spa. So I went to the park with John and the dogs and was trying to find a way to tell him I'd turned our backyard hot spring into a very weird day spa and I didn't know if I'd make enough money to pay the bank back.

When I woke up I chuckled because in my dream I not only accepted as matter-of-fact that I had a hot spring in my backyard but also that going into a bank asking for a loan to build a day spa where people lounge in teacups pretending to be fairies didn't result in the bank manager calling security to escort me out of the bank.